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Cigarettes and Super Ego

August 28, 2009

From our perspective, the superego is the inner coercive agency that stands against the expansion of awareness and inner development, regardless of how mild or reasonable it becomes.

Marshy: the superego always stands against expansion
Jason: "This is how it's supposed to be"
Jason: always keeping you inside of a box
Jason: a "safe" little box
Jason: brb
Marshy: yes
Marshy: my sister tells me i need to go to college
Marshy: :)
Jason: yeah
Jason: I had some lady I visited (looking for a room)
Jason: who started giving me a 'oh you should go to school' schpeil
Jason: after I mentioned that I haven't gone, just taught myself to program and stuff
Jason: ugh, I woke up and had no more cigarettes
Jason: I decided to not smoke
Marshy: noooooooo
Jason: and just notice how I feel
Jason: but co-worker came along wanting to talk, she has cigarettes
Jason: I bummed one, just got done smoking
Jason: and walked up stairs
Jason: so much anxiety flowing through me
Jason: my hands are shaky
Marshy: :)
Jason: I think this is the key to dropping these unhealthy tendencies of mine
Jason: as I become more aware
Marshy: yep
Jason: the less palatable they are
Marshy: thats what happened to me
Marshy: your body gets more sensitive
Jason: before you're just not aware
Marshy: and you're like, shit, i can't be like this anymore
Jason: yeah
Jason: it becomes obvious you don't want to feel this way
Jason: I can see it's just as bad as the other repressed stuff that comes up
Jason: it's, ugh, not pleasant
Jason: I guess I just have to sit ou the cravings
Jason: until they fall away
Jason: or else I'll just keep repeating this cycle
Marshy: my mom told my sister the cravings never go away
Marshy: but
Marshy: i never ever have a craving
Marshy: i tried a drag of josh's cig... it was just disgusting
Jason: yeah, that thought isn't helpful
Jason: "These will never go away?!?!? I might as well just give in. I can't stand feeling this way for the rest of my life"
Jason: That thought creates the hopelessness
Marshy: just raising your awareness makes it harder
Jason: ok, I have to go to a meeting
Marshy: yeah, your thoughts are like ping pong balls
Jason: be back in like 30-60 minutes
Marshy: write a blog post :)

Written by Jason Miller who lives and works in Berkeley, CA developing websites and focusing on personal development. He is also on Facebook

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