There is something I’m feeling that I’m trying to make explicit. This morning I was almost sure that it was that I felt that Marshall was acting like he fully understood what he was talking about, however what he was telling me I soon did agree with when I opened up to talking to him.

Right now I think about how with any hint of anger he tells me that I’m in a bad mood, or that I’m being reactive.

I think about how tired I am, or how the negative aspects of my life that I’ve been thinking about have been affecting how I’d be otherwise.

I need to stop and think about the end that I’m trying to get. If I want harmony between myself and my room mates, then I need to be calm. Being emotional just makes them emotional, and its counter productive. Funny thing is that this is exactly what I told Marshall when he was having temper issues with his girlfriend Brittany.

At times I doubt that I actually have a problem. What I hate is when I’m not being extremely mad, but I’m just making clear that I’m agitated by something someone else is doing. Marshall says to just accept it, which sounds like stupid hippy shit to me given that it does affect me. There are times his girlfriend seems picky to my standards, and it seems to me that she’s just holding things up. But this could just be my take. I could be impatient and blowing everything up into something its not.

What is anger. Its an evolutionary trait. Something you need to live…a defense to support your life. Is it necessary in situations of civil communication? Under the Objectivist philosophy, I concluded that its counter productive. Under the Buddhism philosophy, it perhaps is the same thing.

I don’t know if perhaps this will all blow over after I get my financial situation back in check, and/or get a steady job.

This is yet another period of t Marshall to leave me alone and let me figure things out. I want him to just shut up and let me figure it out. He’s not coming on like an evangelist, but its enough for me to have a problem with it. It’s him proposing it confidently when I don’t yet understand it and I haven’t integrated into my lifestyle. This causes the anger that he wants me to avoid in itself. Thats probably the root of my issue with him.

I’m a mental mess. I’m going to go play guitar now. Perhaps I’ll become what he wants at times, and a complete Mr. Hyde…and let Mr Hyde out in the music. BLOOD!! DEATH!!! ANGER!!