There are many many many things that can trigger shame in our culture. You can’t go around trying to combat each and every little thing that might cause you to feel bad.

You have to understand the nature of shame, how it exists in relation to your conscience / superego, and it’s role as a mechanism of survival, and how it tries to control your behavior by regulating your self esteem.

You have to understand that all these things that our culture can possibly shame you for are either helpful, or are not helpful because they originate with some persons distorted moral code that was rooted in their own distorted perception of reality. The moral code that we’ve picked up from the culture around us has to be re-evaluated by us as adults, because we didn’t have the context to understand what we learned as children. We have to learn to trust and value our own sense of logical evaluation, and disarm our own internal sources of shame in the appropriate manner.

This isn’t easy. We can beat ourselves up about everything. Our culture is one where people are very afraid of letting go of their own judgement because it’s what helps them survive. “If I don’t beat myself up, what will ensure that I get up in the morning and go to work, or keep me from becoming like a wild animal eating whatever I want, fucking whoever I want”. Many within Western culture think that negative conditioning is needed to keep us in line.

We don’t know the alternative. Truthfully, the alternative is not explicitly provided in a refined manner to most people. I don’t totally know the alternative in my own life fully yet, but I’m starting to explore that myself. Some combination of psychology + spirituality is needed. Some understanding of these mechanisms, and some understanding of the nature of our natural aspects of will power, strength, compassion, etc. and what it takes to get back in touch with them are needed.

The problem may seem like those outside of you. Your relation to the world started with your need for the sustenance of a breast / bottle providing milk outside of you. This is the root of why so many people seek some solution outside themselves, and also project their frustrations onto those outside of themselves. “You take away my peace, I want to destroy you!”

You only give your power to those outside of you as you continue to point the finger at them. Really, you have to reclaim your power by working from within. Your power, your strength, is an aspect of your nature that you have to get back in touch with.